Please excuse my grammar!

I am writing this to relay my experience of having dyslexia in academia and the issues I have faced during my academic life so far.

When I grew up in the 1980s we weren’t dyslexic, we were stupid.  I found myself in a confused state of understanding exactly what I needed to write, but not being able to write it. And understanding what I was hearing but having no idea how to construct a response.

I have a very vivid memory from 1993 of being terrified of being asked to read out loud in class.  When I was asked, I cried and said I couldn’t. I was subsequently removed from English lessons and placed in the so called “remedial” class.  Although I tried to explain that I could read, but I couldn’t say the words out loud at the same time, I was removed from English lesson and placed in this “remedial” class in what they called the “special” block for the rest of the year. This had a negative impact on my learning. They failed to provide the support I needed, but instead I was given very simple picture books to read, which were aimed at much younger children.

I got through secondary school, but performed terribly, as my GCSEs were all hand written.  When it was time to choose a career, I decided to ignore the advice of the careers advisor in school who suggested embarking on a career in hairdressing or something similar. I decided that as my issues with words didn’t seem to translate to numbers, something math based could work. Therefore, I ended up having a successful career in finance.  Although I am grateful for the experience I gained during this time, this was not something I wanted to do for the rest of my life, I wanted to use the skills which I knew I had. 

So, what do you do when you know you can do something and you are very creative, and your brain is constantly in overdrive, but you can’t express this verbally? The answer is, I have no idea.  Lots of frustration and a massive amount of persistence, I guess.

I eventually decided that being a finance manager wasn’t for me and enrolled on a counselling course on an evening.  This was mainly to test my ability to write and communicate verbally on the spot.  I didn’t do very well with the written work and failed my first essay.  This didn’t stop me; I spent all my spare time trying to improve my writing and I read constantly. I remember reading The Blank Slate, by Steven Pinker, which was suggested by a friend who I worked with at the time.  When the same friend asked me what I thought of the book, I couldn’t answer him, even though I had many views on the book. At this point it became clear to me, I could do this, I just needed to establish a way, my own way. I had the ability to comprehend, I just needed to figure out how to relay my thoughts to others. Sounds complicated right?

I decided to go to university to study Psychology. I applied to Northumbria University and was accepted on the course. Even though, thinking back to my childhood, this seemed crazy, it felt like the best decision I had ever made. Luckily, I also had the help of my very understanding husband (little did he know, this was only the beginning).  We then found out we were having a baby, which was due one month before I started Uni! Still I was determined, probably even more so than before.  I remember thinking to myself, if I am leaving this baby to go to lectures I need to make it count!

At university I was officially diagnosed with dyslexia (well, more specifically, I was diagnosed with “a specific learning disability, which is dyslexic in nature and a verbal Working Memory impairment”). I battled through every assignment, yet I met every deadline, as I was too stubborn to ask for extensions. I also took part in every oral presentation the same as my fellow students.  I gradually adapted to my environment and found strategies to cope.  It took me twice as long to read and write, but my writing gradually improved throughout my undergraduate and master’s degree (although grammar is still and will always be my nemesis).  I realised during this time that my disability also came with benefits; my thinking was different; I came up with novel ideas. After my master’s degree I was awarded a funded PhD place and given the opportunity to teach my favourite subject, Working Memory (which ironically was the exact area I struggled with), to third year Psychology Undergrads. 

As I couldn’t read aloud, I had to know the lecture slides like the back of my hand. This took time. I also needed to learn (well at least I thought I did) the answers to every possible question that any student could ask. No! This was not the case. My knowledge on the topic was already committed to long-term memory, which functioned perfectly fine. I could do this! But what I still couldn’t do efficiently, was link information in my working memory, to reach a new alternative conclusion on the spot.  For example, if a student asked me to explain the findings from a study using an alternative theory, I needed more time. This made me panic, they would all think I was stupid, just like my English teacher did. Again, no! It is always OK to take some time to think.  Be patient with yourself and if others aren’t, that is fine.

I now have a wonderful job, and I have recently handed in my PhD. I also have 2 publications in academic journals so far, with many more to come.  Yes, I still face many issues. It is sometimes very frustrating when I can’t gather my thoughts fast enough to answer a question.  I struggle to take notes in meetings, I can’t follow fast dialog easily, and reading and writing will always take me longer than most.  But! On a positive note, I also have a very novel way of thinking (if you give me time, of course).

Learning difficulties are hard, but the grit and determination it takes to get through them is exactly what will make you successful. I honestly believe that not receiving help during school is what helped me adapt and find my own strategies. Don’t avoid difficult situations, put yourself in them and learn how to adapt. 

I have dyslexia, my brain works differently, and I am OK with that.